Feb 28 2011

Today Ive been given the scariest news of my life. I have breast cancer. Me. 27 years old. Mother of a 2 yr old and a 1 yr old.
Its hard to fully process this and its hard to wrap my mind around. I would never in a million years expected this at this young age, and I was never worried about this happening to me even in old age.
Today, I went to get the results of a biopsy taken last Thursday (Today is Monday) My doctor showed me pictures of the biopsy taken with the ultrasound that he was preforming at the same time as the biopsy. He showed me that it the lump was little less than an inch, but that it did come back as cancerous. I then somewhat lost it, even after preparing myself for these results, I didnt ACTUALLY think I would be getting told this today. I had made it clear that I didnt want anyone to go with me to get the results bc I thought it would be foolish when it came back nothing but a cyst. But I regretted that decision quickly and called Dan at his work to come meet with me and the nurse.
I was told several times that I wouldnt remember most of what they were going to tell me and I am sure that that is right. My mind was reeling.
What I know today: I have breast cancer, specifically in my left breast. It is invasive (which 80% of breast cancer cases are). It is grade 2, meaning that is growing at medium speed. They dont know what stage it is in. I have a MRI tomorrow and an appointment to meet with the doctor to discuss the results of the MRI Thursday.
March 17th, I will have some sort of surgery. Either lumpectomy (spelling?) or a mastectomy. This will be determined by the doctor after seeing the MRI.
After surgery, I will need treatment. Radiation or chemotherapy.
I am petrified for the most materialistic of reasons. I am going to most likely lose a breast and my hair. For a woman, this is horrible. It will be humiliating. And I am crying now writing this. Isnt that silly? I dont fear dying. And I dont think this will kill me. But the next year will be painful and terrible. Im afraid that I wont be a good mom to my kids when I am sick from treatment. And I am afraid of living constantly afraid....of it spreading, of it coming back, etc.
Thats my state of mind today. Its been a lot to process.