July 21 2013

We are half way thru 2013.  A totally crazy year for me.  First,  I turned THIRTY!  Whew, so glad I made it.  When Dan and I started dating, I used to joke with him that I would never turn 30, I thought I would die young at 29.  When I got cancer, I had terrible anxiety that that joking had been some kind of premonition.  Back then, I didnt have as much to live for.  Thirty just sounded OLD.  But now, I have beautiful children and I dont want to miss any of their young lives.  So getting closer to my big bday, I was getting scared that maybe I wasnt gonna make it.  Terrible anxiety.  But I did.  Im officially out of my twenties!  I think even better things will be these ten years. 
Also, Dan and I celebrated our 5th anniversary!  That kinda flew by but its also incredible what weve gone thru in those 5 years.  Two babies have been born, his mother has passed away,  we have moved two times, gone thru four vehicles, I was diagnosed with cancer, weve struggled over custody of his other daughter.  I feel like the first 5 years can be titled "The Fight".  Not a fight with eachother, but more for eachother.  Its been a struggle constantly, but weve made it thru and now life is settling down. 
In April, we got a placement of a 4 day old newborn girl.  We have all grown to love her.  I feel like she completes this family, and I no longer have that anxiety that our family is unfinished.  If it is God's will, we would love to adopt her, if that is where the road takes us.
In a few days, my precious Alayna will be 5.  (Insert feeling of a kick in the stomach here)  Shes not my baby anymore.  She has opinions on her clothes and shoes, and generally all things.  She wants her hair straightened instead of her natural curls.  She uses phrases like "Seriously??" and "Really?" with the finesse and attitude of any sixteen year old girl.  Shes bossy with her brother, and sometimes her parents.  Shes inherited the manipulation skills of her mother, and convinces her brother often how he really wants what she has, so she can take what he has.  She is generally happy and exciteable as I was as a kid.  She genuinely loves her family.  She is a cuddler, a sharer of ALL experiences, a thoughtful girl, a nurturer to her baby sister.
I also will be sending this princess off to kindergarten in one short month (insert feeling of vomit :P) 
And my baby, Pax, will start preschool.  (Ahh)
This May, I had a petscan and an MRI and both came back with no, I repeat, NO sign of cancer anywhere.   More than 2 years post-mastectomy,  and no cancer has reappeared.  Such a relief.  Knowing that, I am comfortable with my future.  I feel a bit more reassured that our finances will settle down and medical bills will slowly go away. 
And this year, wonderful 2013, I have become a stay at home mom.  I will get to bring and pick up the kids from and to school.  I plan to walk them to school until it gets too cold.  Some mornings,  we could ride bikes.  I get to do everything I want to.  This makes me happier than Ive ever been.
I dont know what else will happen in the last half of 2013, but I am excited!