My purpose
I have been doing a lot of praying, contemplating, list-making, and discussing the idea of Gods purpose for each life he creates. In particular, I have been asking him to show me (in some miraculous way) or help me understand what His purpose is for me so that I may live it. I dont believe that I was created for the ordinary, to live ordinarily. I believe I was created to do big things!
I think I have found my purpose, or rather it found me.
Furthermore, I believe that God instilled this purpose in my heart at a very young age.
Growing up, I never had a strong "calling" to any particular career, but as most high school graduates do, I believed I HAD to go to college. In 2001, I enrolled as an early elementary education major at University of Northern Iowa. I remember thinking that "Hey, I LOVE kids, I love being around them, I could do this all day!" I also had had an amazing third grade teacher who I had idolized growing up, and thought "I will be just like her! I will make kids' days at school fun!" I attended as an elementary school major for 2 yrs, and quickly the classes bored me, and it didnt seem as much "fun" as I expected it to be. The final straw was when I did my first field experience in my very own elementary school, with a teacher I knew well, and had been my sisters 2nd grade teacher. I could see the stress she experienced, I could see the demands placed on ONE woman by 23 little bodies, all needing or thinking they needed her undivided attention. Oh, how she loved having me there to help! After that month, I had decided that I, in fact, wasnt cut out to be a teacher, or at least in the sense of mainstream American schools. (Couldnt I just have a class of 6?) I was a little discouraged, but took the summer, and a terrible break up with an equally terrible boyfriend to "decide" on a new career.
Again, I thought, "I love kids, and I want to help kids and be instrumental in the lives of young children" but this time I took a more humanitarian approach. I decided I wanted to be a social work major. I played with the idea of being a school counselor, but really wanted to be an advocate for families with small children. And I also played with the idea of working for an adoption agency, helping place orphans or given up children with wonderful families. I just didnt know how I was going to make a difference all on my own. And although, I had (still have) the passion for those things, I got distraught and distracted with the school part of it, and in 2005 dropped out of college.
It was also in late 2005, that I met Dan (or knew of him) when he began working at CBE where I was now working full-time, since not attending school. In 2006, we began our dating relationship. And by December 2006, we bought a house and lived together alone without room mates (we had previously been room mates BEFORE dating..weird, I know). When that mortgage was drawn up, and those house keys were handed over, I dreamed of marriage, kids and happiness with this man. But we were immature, and to a large degree selfish, and our relationship ended in late July 2007. To get away from it all, I moved to Des Moines to "start over". How ironic that is. Dan visited me in Des Moines several weekends after I had moved there, and I had not given up on the idea that we would get back together. After many long distance talks and texts, and several sole searching nights, we began dating again in early November. A week after Thanksgiving, I found out I was pregnant.
It whirlwinded from there. Dan almost immediately moved to Des Moines with me, and in February proposed to me and on May 3, 2008, we were married. I was happy, sooo happy and in love...with my husband and with my baby (GIRL) on the way!
Then a bomb went off! Shortly after getting married, Dan recieved a notice for paternity and child support of a girl that was nearly a year old by a woman he had one night stand with a month prior to us beginning our dating relationship. He took a paternity test, convinced he was not the father. Why would the mother be doing this now?? It came back 99.99% positive that he was the father of a one year old girl, named Alexa Reighn.
A month a half later, our sweet little 7 lb 1 oz baby girl was born and we named her Alayna Danielle. I had never felt such happiness. Never seen anyone so beautiful. And couldnt get over the amazement of parenthood, or this angel bedside in her bassinet. What a miracle God creates when he creates life. It is absolutely unsurmountable and an incredible testimony to His existance.
Shortly after Alaynas birth, we moved back to Waterloo, to the home we had there and began a year long custody battle over his other daughter, whom we did not know. Without getting into much detail, we needed to move back to be here near our family. We needed a support system behind us and my parents were just 20 miles away in Waverly. Without them, we would have had a hard time affording just the basic things, after Dans HUGE child support started getting taken from his paychecks. All at once, we had been hit with TREMENDOUS child support obligations, and now had a new baby with all the expenses that comes with that. I was scared. My mother saved us a lot by babysitting Alayna. Eventually, we gained visitation rights, joint legal and physical custody of Alexa.
When Alayna was 5 months, I had my yearly "womanly" exam. I asked if they would take a urine pregnancy test. Sure enough, I was pregnant again. Why had I asked them to give me this test, you might ask. Because that whole week I had been craving McDonalds...the very same thing I craved when pregnant with Alayna. We were not trying to have a baby so soon, and really were not expecting it. But we were thrilled, and a little nervous.
In October, we delivered Paxon Stephen, our first boy, weighing in at 8 lbs 14.6 oz! Did he ever make his daddy proud!! We have a future football star on our hands, according to Dan.
Each one of our children were unplanned by us, but planned by God alone. This statement by itself gives me reason to praise Him all day, every day. I have so much joy being with my children, watching them laugh, watching them learn, hearing them from the other side of a bedroom door giggling in bed together after lights have been turned off, I even enjoy watching Alayna be naughty and giggle about it. (Im amazed at how smart she is and how she has learned to "play" us, and I cant help but be a little proud of her for it.) I love the noises and the babbling Pax does.
I am a very different mother than I thought I would be. I believed I would be strict. Im not. I am lenient and a push-over. I thought I would be head over heels stressed with the responsibilities of 3 children 3yrs and younger in my home. Im not. Its soo much easier than could be imagined. It helps that I have pretty healthy, happy kids. But now I yearn to add to our family by the gift of adoption. Some people, I know look at me like Im crazy when I say I want to add to my zoo. But its what I feel is the right things for us.
I believe I was made for THIS. I believe I was made to be a mother. A mommy to Alayna and Paxon, a step "momma" to Alexa and someday an adoptive mother to other children. When discussing with others about the idea of what I feel is my purpose, I hear a voice in my head saying "Im a mother. THis is it" and I truly feel this is Gods desire. I sense that people, especially in our society now, feel that saying "I want to be a mother", not "I want to be a lawyer, doctor or teacher" is not good enough. I feel like its viewed as an unworthy answer. But I was driving one day, on my way to pick up my kids, thinking about this very thing, and a voice in my head said "Valerie, who is the most influential, most remembered woman in Christianity?" I thought MARY, OF COURSE. "And what is she remembered for? Does the bible note her as a baker, a seamstress, a cook? But is she known as being the mother of Jesus Christ, a woman I chose to raise my son? What is a more noteworthy job than that?"
So true. What is better than that? I have no shame to say my purpose is to be a mother, and I will do it everyday with passion and love, just how God intended for me. How amazing is He, that gave me this life and this "career path"...and has guided me on this road, right to what he wanted me to be.
I think I have found my purpose, or rather it found me.
Furthermore, I believe that God instilled this purpose in my heart at a very young age.
Growing up, I never had a strong "calling" to any particular career, but as most high school graduates do, I believed I HAD to go to college. In 2001, I enrolled as an early elementary education major at University of Northern Iowa. I remember thinking that "Hey, I LOVE kids, I love being around them, I could do this all day!" I also had had an amazing third grade teacher who I had idolized growing up, and thought "I will be just like her! I will make kids' days at school fun!" I attended as an elementary school major for 2 yrs, and quickly the classes bored me, and it didnt seem as much "fun" as I expected it to be. The final straw was when I did my first field experience in my very own elementary school, with a teacher I knew well, and had been my sisters 2nd grade teacher. I could see the stress she experienced, I could see the demands placed on ONE woman by 23 little bodies, all needing or thinking they needed her undivided attention. Oh, how she loved having me there to help! After that month, I had decided that I, in fact, wasnt cut out to be a teacher, or at least in the sense of mainstream American schools. (Couldnt I just have a class of 6?) I was a little discouraged, but took the summer, and a terrible break up with an equally terrible boyfriend to "decide" on a new career.
Again, I thought, "I love kids, and I want to help kids and be instrumental in the lives of young children" but this time I took a more humanitarian approach. I decided I wanted to be a social work major. I played with the idea of being a school counselor, but really wanted to be an advocate for families with small children. And I also played with the idea of working for an adoption agency, helping place orphans or given up children with wonderful families. I just didnt know how I was going to make a difference all on my own. And although, I had (still have) the passion for those things, I got distraught and distracted with the school part of it, and in 2005 dropped out of college.
It was also in late 2005, that I met Dan (or knew of him) when he began working at CBE where I was now working full-time, since not attending school. In 2006, we began our dating relationship. And by December 2006, we bought a house and lived together alone without room mates (we had previously been room mates BEFORE dating..weird, I know). When that mortgage was drawn up, and those house keys were handed over, I dreamed of marriage, kids and happiness with this man. But we were immature, and to a large degree selfish, and our relationship ended in late July 2007. To get away from it all, I moved to Des Moines to "start over". How ironic that is. Dan visited me in Des Moines several weekends after I had moved there, and I had not given up on the idea that we would get back together. After many long distance talks and texts, and several sole searching nights, we began dating again in early November. A week after Thanksgiving, I found out I was pregnant.
It whirlwinded from there. Dan almost immediately moved to Des Moines with me, and in February proposed to me and on May 3, 2008, we were married. I was happy, sooo happy and in love...with my husband and with my baby (GIRL) on the way!
Then a bomb went off! Shortly after getting married, Dan recieved a notice for paternity and child support of a girl that was nearly a year old by a woman he had one night stand with a month prior to us beginning our dating relationship. He took a paternity test, convinced he was not the father. Why would the mother be doing this now?? It came back 99.99% positive that he was the father of a one year old girl, named Alexa Reighn.
A month a half later, our sweet little 7 lb 1 oz baby girl was born and we named her Alayna Danielle. I had never felt such happiness. Never seen anyone so beautiful. And couldnt get over the amazement of parenthood, or this angel bedside in her bassinet. What a miracle God creates when he creates life. It is absolutely unsurmountable and an incredible testimony to His existance.
Shortly after Alaynas birth, we moved back to Waterloo, to the home we had there and began a year long custody battle over his other daughter, whom we did not know. Without getting into much detail, we needed to move back to be here near our family. We needed a support system behind us and my parents were just 20 miles away in Waverly. Without them, we would have had a hard time affording just the basic things, after Dans HUGE child support started getting taken from his paychecks. All at once, we had been hit with TREMENDOUS child support obligations, and now had a new baby with all the expenses that comes with that. I was scared. My mother saved us a lot by babysitting Alayna. Eventually, we gained visitation rights, joint legal and physical custody of Alexa.
When Alayna was 5 months, I had my yearly "womanly" exam. I asked if they would take a urine pregnancy test. Sure enough, I was pregnant again. Why had I asked them to give me this test, you might ask. Because that whole week I had been craving McDonalds...the very same thing I craved when pregnant with Alayna. We were not trying to have a baby so soon, and really were not expecting it. But we were thrilled, and a little nervous.
In October, we delivered Paxon Stephen, our first boy, weighing in at 8 lbs 14.6 oz! Did he ever make his daddy proud!! We have a future football star on our hands, according to Dan.
Each one of our children were unplanned by us, but planned by God alone. This statement by itself gives me reason to praise Him all day, every day. I have so much joy being with my children, watching them laugh, watching them learn, hearing them from the other side of a bedroom door giggling in bed together after lights have been turned off, I even enjoy watching Alayna be naughty and giggle about it. (Im amazed at how smart she is and how she has learned to "play" us, and I cant help but be a little proud of her for it.) I love the noises and the babbling Pax does.
I am a very different mother than I thought I would be. I believed I would be strict. Im not. I am lenient and a push-over. I thought I would be head over heels stressed with the responsibilities of 3 children 3yrs and younger in my home. Im not. Its soo much easier than could be imagined. It helps that I have pretty healthy, happy kids. But now I yearn to add to our family by the gift of adoption. Some people, I know look at me like Im crazy when I say I want to add to my zoo. But its what I feel is the right things for us.
I believe I was made for THIS. I believe I was made to be a mother. A mommy to Alayna and Paxon, a step "momma" to Alexa and someday an adoptive mother to other children. When discussing with others about the idea of what I feel is my purpose, I hear a voice in my head saying "Im a mother. THis is it" and I truly feel this is Gods desire. I sense that people, especially in our society now, feel that saying "I want to be a mother", not "I want to be a lawyer, doctor or teacher" is not good enough. I feel like its viewed as an unworthy answer. But I was driving one day, on my way to pick up my kids, thinking about this very thing, and a voice in my head said "Valerie, who is the most influential, most remembered woman in Christianity?" I thought MARY, OF COURSE. "And what is she remembered for? Does the bible note her as a baker, a seamstress, a cook? But is she known as being the mother of Jesus Christ, a woman I chose to raise my son? What is a more noteworthy job than that?"
So true. What is better than that? I have no shame to say my purpose is to be a mother, and I will do it everyday with passion and love, just how God intended for me. How amazing is He, that gave me this life and this "career path"...and has guided me on this road, right to what he wanted me to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment