Struggling these last few days...
Since church Sunday, I have been thinking very hard about my chemo treatments. I wonder if I am truly trusting in God....if I am putting my life in His hands...or am I putting my life in my doctor's hands? I just feel uneasy about it all.
We all die. Our days are numbered and only God knows that magic number for me. He will take me when I am intended to go. So, I wonder about this whole chemo thing...am I trying to change what God has planned for me? Am I trying to determine my fate, rather than just entrusting Him with it??
Truly, obviously, I do not WANT my life to be limited....and OF COURSE, I want to be here as much for my children as possible.
I just cant answer the question as to "Why did I get cancer?" Was it to take my life? Or was it to make me a fighter?
I know, this blog is heavy...maybe even annoying to some of you who are thinking "Duh, do the chemo, dont be an idiot....take the health care provided!"
I just dont feel one hundred percent....and its truly not about losing my hair or getting sick. I can deal with all those things, even if I dont want to.
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